"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
