There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
