loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Found your dick twin last night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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