I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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