youre lurking in front of me
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
