is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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