In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
