STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
