He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
