Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You took a bar mat shot.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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