just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
