I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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