she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
