I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
