Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
