That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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