He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
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I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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