Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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