I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
