So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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