She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
