just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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