she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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