Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
