i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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