Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
