first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just high enough for therapy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
