I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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