fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
