Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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