I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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