Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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