why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
