Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
