girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
