my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
