all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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