Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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