I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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