Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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