I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
