nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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