someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize