I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
