Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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