See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
