That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
