I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
