I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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