So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Bring me that man meat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
