After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
