my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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