the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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