Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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