I molested 6 butterflies tonight
kristin has been a bad kristin
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
