wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
