my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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