yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
