i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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