Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
