Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
