She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
