even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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