I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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