Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
