beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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