god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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