Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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