He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
