i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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