Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it hurts more in the daytime
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
