I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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