We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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