He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
